don't be ridicurous--- im not asian!

as long as i can remember, people have thought i was asian.  rob's granny is convinced that i'm chinese and not admitting this.  she whispers loudly, suspicious over my failure to 'fess up.  i've considered visiting with her in some traditional chinese garb, just to mess with her.  so i have chinky eyes(no offense to the ching-chongs, i have the eyes too!-- and i didn't get the naturally slender physique, so suck it if you're offended)
my vietnamese manicurist has asked me if i was thai.  i walk in to a salon and everyone nods at me in solidarity.  everyone seems a little disappointed when i tell them i'm not.  i've considered running with it, and have invented a history i may start using.  im a vietnamese boat person.  it may need some work.
another thing i hear all of the time is, "you look like the chick from the bride of chucky".  not familiar with this cinematic gem, i looked it up. this is what i found:

i admit, there are worse people to look like, but on ugly days, im convinced that i look like frederick douglass: (with chinky eyes)

i've learned to adapt. whenever anyone is around with a camera, i try to do my best marty feldman impersonation so i won't look quiet so pat norita-ish in pics.  so i look a little crazed.  i can live with that.
it's just that people expect me to be so friggin' smart...good at math... and like i can be their hook-up on a great knock off handbag, or like they need to clutch their dogs in case i get hungry. What? it's true!